if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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