i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He shit in the fireplace
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