i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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