they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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