I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
