Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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