With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
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I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
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I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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