you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
