Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
