Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
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I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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