And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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