I faked an abortion last night.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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