If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
