Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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