She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize