I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
