At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
