They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
is that a dick in a sweater?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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