I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
