I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
