You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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