You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
