I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
