I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
