He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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