someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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