Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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