Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
