Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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