make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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