Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
