She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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