The maid of honor just puked.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
