if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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