First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
