butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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