Hey man sorry I got all grabby
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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