Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
