and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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