its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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