I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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