I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
