You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
