He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The Olympian is in my bed
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
