I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
