Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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