I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
