Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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