well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
