I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
