Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
