I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
