Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
