you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
