i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
