We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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