his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
last night I used snow as a chaser
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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