If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Dick very happy bro
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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