The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
