It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
