You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
