i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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