Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
