He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
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Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
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Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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