I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
