Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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