Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
